Who are not sensible enough to give up their seats for this poor lethargic panda. There were so many male humans in the train. I thought I had to sleep standing up in the train.Īlhamdulillah, a guy arrived at his destination so I got to have a shut eye. I had to wait for more than one hour and a half for the ktm train to arrive and I doze off on the seat while waiting. Then, I decided to come to papa's house in Seremban. When I sat down, the bench was metal, the hardness hurt my bottom which is also hard.Īlhamdulillah, I saw qieqie and we had a short talk. I walked and walked until I haven't more strength. I went to KL sentral walking around like a zombie, half alive, with a heavy tortoise shell on my back.Īlhamdulillah, Aida made me feel alright. I was awaken by the ringing of my phone with a stranger on the line. I went back to anjung and had a 15mins nap. How I wished she would reply my text with 'understood' instead of her usual 'noted'. I managed to stay away from the lecturer who makes me feel like the scum of the world when she talks to me. No sleep, a few mins break while waiting for a patient to change her clothes. Two days ago was one of the worst calls I have ever had. Dulu, some people said about how we talk about God but not to God. I think maybe semua ni pon I should istikharah LJ. I want to slap myself and tell myself to wake up. Is it that simple LJ? To write a book? My book rack has become dusty. Many things happened since housemanship and MOship. It's just that the internet is a scary place, I just cannot write as freely as I wanted to especially when I think about medicolegal things and scammers. I haven't told you about this place where I am currently living. Something that does not kill you would probably make you, prawda? Should I proceed with this thing I am doing? Should I go to Kelantan? Should I go to that place in KL? Am I overestimating my persistence? I'm gonna take a walk LJ. When I think about that, it reminds me of how Allah won't give us something that we can't bear. As in for me, I do not know if I am that strong. Those parents who underwent them must be the strongest people. The date for next MEDEX is out and I kinda did something out of the ordinary as I have reached that age that I might need to think about whether I want to have a child past advanced maternal age? I am a paeds MO, LJ. For the past 2 weeks, I have been seriously thinking a bout my life.

It is in fact, the matter of kudrat, focus and persistence which I am now lacking. Due to my inadequacy probably and how unpredictable the nature of my job is. I often get this uncomfortable feeling in my chest at work. I don't hold grudges against my junior colleagues, I just detect who is safe, and who has to be properly questioned to make sure the patients are safe. I can get really angry but after that, I'm okay. Especially when I am paired with some specialists who are more rigid than I am. My level of acceptability towards mistakes is low.

When I'm working, even little things are important to me. The extent of the statement is infinite for me. He spoke about life and how important things are only important when you make them important. He just let us breathe and rest for an hour or so. Or can I do everything simultaneously? Can I LJ, can I? Finding a person, study for masters entrance, thinking about mama's condition? I'm tired LJ. Maybe now isn't a good time to find a person LJ. After that, I would tie a knot and throw them away.

I feel like assembling everything and put them all onto a wrapping cloth and wrap them. I think who said that is inconsiderate but who am I to judge kan LJ? Hoho. I have heard people saying suicide is an easy way out. Sometimes, I feel like quitting everything and just stop. That wouldn't be a nice scene, would it? LJ. When I am not, I become snappy and hostile. I have to be in a good mood to interact with people.

Alhamdolillah kullo ze